Divorce PTSD: The Chapter I Didn't Write in my Book "Broken Heart" -- But One You Need to READ!

Guys, it's been four years since my divorce and three years since I wrote the book Broken Heart(AD).  There is one chapter that I did not write because at that time I had no idea that I should........

Suffocation

I was okay with going out on dates....that was not the problem, until the men would start to get serious with me.  At that point, once the date was over I'd get by myself in my bedroom and begin to cry.  Not because I was still in love with and missed an ex, but because my mind was bombarded with questions like, "what if he doesn't really like me", "I'm too fat", "I know I can't please him", "I'm too this or that......," and feelings of dread and fear engulfed me, making me feel like I was suffocating and losing it. By the end of the episode, I had turned myself into a female Shrek-like ogre, and had suffered an episode of full fledged post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).



I honestly could not believe the emotional response that I had had, however I realized it was suppressed pain and hurt coming to the surface like an inflamed irritation breaking through skin.  It would take more time before all of the pain was cleansed, but yet there was more......

They Come Back

Once peace had flooded my soul and my energy had cleared and brightened, I became a beacon of hope for others who were broken-hearted and I began to enjoy life once again.  I still dealt with my children's father, and he also noticed that I was completely over him so he wanted to come back and bask in my sunshine. He'd since remarried and was treating his new wife the same way he had treated me....I guess he wanted to throw some more shit my way.

He was ill, very ill and had been hospitalized a time or two....at least once at the point of death.  He wanted to spend more time with the children and allow me to travel, which I thought was nice, but really it was only suppose to be temporary.

After about three months, he became very critical of everything I did.  The more he knew about what I was doing and planning, the more critical he became until we were fighting again and going back down into the doldrums of low level, low energy living.

After returning from a spiritual retreat on a high of my own, he began to nick-pick and criticize my encounter to demean it and me -- that's when I banished him and sat down to try to explain to the children why their father could not be around as much as he had been.  Surprisingly, they, without judgment, understood the situation very well.

Accepting Deliverance

Even though I had come to a peaceful place in my life, I allowed the children's father more access because quite frankly I needed the break.  It is okay to take the breaks and accept the help that you need, without giving the exes and their families intimate access into your lives.

We must learn how to feed people with a long-handled spoon and know when to say "hello" and "goodbye".  I believe we should keep a level of distance with these folk from our past to maintain respect, anonymity and reduce too much familiarity (which can be very dangerous).

People have issues from their childhoods, past, and present, but that is not your concern.

You can't save the world, so don't try.  They can't save you, so don't let them try.  Let the deliverance that you need come in creative ways that are unanticipated and free to flow to you without blocks.  Stay true to the real cause....your ascension, and take good care of your newly healed heart.

This is the chapter that I would have put in my book(AD), if only I'd known then what I know now.......

.....to be continued.