(PHOTOS AND LINKS IN THIS POST CONTAIN ADS)
Though I am beautiful, I also have a charge to protect my beauty from those who would ravage it. Additionally, I must foster the beauty that I own versus trying to recapture a chubby-cheeked teen look of my past. Besides, I actually enjoyed the calm that adjusting to menopause brought. No longer did I have crying fits the week prior to my cycles, however since I did not have any more cycles I needed to study nutrition, energy and other ways to make up for the good the cycles did bring.
I realized it is okay to change my surroundings and alter the relationships that no longer serve me, especially those that constantly remind me of who I no longer am.
Only when I protect and repair the soul, will the physical follow.
I learned that the longer I held on to secret enemies, the more pain I'd suffer and the longer it would take for my true friends to manifest or for those who are only there to serve me to get into place.
I say to myself and I say to special ones of you, "Demand your soul freedom and take the time to swim in the pool of self-knowledge and acceptance."
You, my readers, have definitely been on my mind. I hope some of these thoughts are helpful to you.
I turned 50 this year.
Never did I realize how much that would affect me even though I've known many women who have gone through the same mid-life situation.
People Have Changed. America Has Changed. I Have Changed.
Never did I realize how much that would affect me even though I've known many women who have gone through the same mid-life situation.
Measurable changes were taking place in my body. As a result, visual changes had begun, developing quickly, and for the first time, I honestly suffered body-anxiety with a lover...
The anxiety got so bad that the thought of meeting someone new threw me into a fit of tears because I did not feel I could handle any additional disappointment. It was weird. American life and expectations had me completely discombobulated, and I needed surgery, or some strong meditation to make both my breasts the same size!
I looked in the mirror and it was not the age that bothered me so much as the pain that I saw. My face honestly looked horror-struck from all that I had gone through over the years -- the disappointments of life were written all over me.
I envied the young women in their twenties and thirties who were still fresh and physically unscathed, though I did not envy their monthly cycles.
But most of all, the shocking epiphany I had was many of the things that I dreamt of in my younger days and KNEW would happen for me, had not yet manifested -- much of this I blamed on the ugly side of patriarchy.
The anxiety got so bad that the thought of meeting someone new threw me into a fit of tears because I did not feel I could handle any additional disappointment. It was weird. American life and expectations had me completely discombobulated, and I needed surgery, or some strong meditation to make both my breasts the same size!
I looked in the mirror and it was not the age that bothered me so much as the pain that I saw. My face honestly looked horror-struck from all that I had gone through over the years -- the disappointments of life were written all over me.
I envied the young women in their twenties and thirties who were still fresh and physically unscathed, though I did not envy their monthly cycles.
But most of all, the shocking epiphany I had was many of the things that I dreamt of in my younger days and KNEW would happen for me, had not yet manifested -- much of this I blamed on the ugly side of patriarchy.
Self Improvement is Not to be Dreaded, but to be Celebrated.
I felt I had to do something and do it quick! I began seeing a weight loss doctor and the tizzy of pills she prescribed threw me into fits of bipolarism. There was no way I'd take something that caused seizures and heart palpitations -- not at my age -- not even to lose a few pounds!I received aesthetic, facial injections and even went as far as to have a rhinoplasty until, one day, when covered with bandages and not able to recognize my own face, I asked myself a question. "What in the hell are you doing?" Tip - If you do choose injections, please pay for a reputable injector so you don't end up looking like Frankenstein!
I realized that it was time for me to sit up and accept who I am. There will definitely be things that breakdown over time, that can stand a lift or a bit of help, however, my focus needed to be redirected to the things inside my heart that ailed me.
I realized that as a woman of years, I have the power to change my circumstances, both physically and emotionally. I refuse to say the 'o' word. My confession is as follows:
I realized that it was time for me to sit up and accept who I am. There will definitely be things that breakdown over time, that can stand a lift or a bit of help, however, my focus needed to be redirected to the things inside my heart that ailed me.
I realized that as a woman of years, I have the power to change my circumstances, both physically and emotionally. I refuse to say the 'o' word. My confession is as follows:
"I continue to live another year in health, beauty and in grace."
I realized it is okay to change my surroundings and alter the relationships that no longer serve me, especially those that constantly remind me of who I no longer am.
Only when I protect and repair the soul, will the physical follow.
We must also realize that men over 50 also have sagging (sometimes lopsided) boobs!
Unfortunately this caused me to become angry and to lash out to let everyone know "I am not the one to mess with!" I really do believe I have a Napoleon complex!
I learned to release the sins of my mother and father and to detach from their energies without necessarily detaching from them. That was a hard one, that I am still mastering.
I had a close family member who always wanted to be around me. After visiting a shaman, I was warned to stay away from this person because they did not have my best interest at heart. Recently this person, by way of their actions, made it clear to me that the shaman was correct and they were their own first priority -- I was not even a close third.
I had to face the fact that sometimes those I love do not love me in the same way. Love comes the way that it does and it is sometimes safer for me to distance myself from people I love. However, if I find myself having to do this, life will send someone to stand beside me along the journey, perhaps not the someone that I thought it would be. I had to learn to accept the love that presented itself to me. I also had to take responsibility for my broken heart(AD)by understanding incorrect attachments and fear-manifested heartbreak.
I Must Let Go of Guilt and Secret Enemies!
I have not always made the correct decisions regarding which relationships to engage in. People of the matrix around me did not want the same things that I wanted. I learned early there was something about me that men wanted to control, and felt they could. They saw it on television, read about it in books and heard about it on the radio. It was likely made worse by the tact that I am only a few inches over five feet tall and probably seem easy to master.Unfortunately this caused me to become angry and to lash out to let everyone know "I am not the one to mess with!" I really do believe I have a Napoleon complex!
I learned to release the sins of my mother and father and to detach from their energies without necessarily detaching from them. That was a hard one, that I am still mastering.
I had a close family member who always wanted to be around me. After visiting a shaman, I was warned to stay away from this person because they did not have my best interest at heart. Recently this person, by way of their actions, made it clear to me that the shaman was correct and they were their own first priority -- I was not even a close third.
I had to face the fact that sometimes those I love do not love me in the same way. Love comes the way that it does and it is sometimes safer for me to distance myself from people I love. However, if I find myself having to do this, life will send someone to stand beside me along the journey, perhaps not the someone that I thought it would be. I had to learn to accept the love that presented itself to me. I also had to take responsibility for my broken heart(AD)by understanding incorrect attachments and fear-manifested heartbreak.
I learned that the longer I held on to secret enemies, the more pain I'd suffer and the longer it would take for my true friends to manifest or for those who are only there to serve me to get into place.
Relaxation, Clarity and Knowing My Purpose are Vital.
It is of extreme importance that we sit ourselves down, calm our minds, slow down our spending and gather our thoughts. Mindfulness meditation(AD)is crucial to destroy negative self talk that has pervaded our thoughts for decades!- Only then will we be able to know what it is that we should be doing and who we should be doing it with.
- Only then will we be able to release our fears and embrace change instead of fearing it.
- Only then can we detach ourselves from the people and situations that we thought would forever snare us.
- Only then can we retain relationships without losing ourselves.
- Only then can we rest, then hear, subsequently understanding our purpose.
- Only then can we realize we do NOT have to live in the past -- we have a wonderful present and can manifest a great future!
I say to myself and I say to special ones of you, "Demand your soul freedom and take the time to swim in the pool of self-knowledge and acceptance."
Life is not short, it is long, and you may as well get use to your spirit self living forever. Learn to enjoy life now!