You Will Heal and Grow -- Do So At Your Own Pace.
I never recommend that anyone wallow in pain and self pity for extended lengths of time, however I do recommend that you cry when you need to. Learn how to do that and recover quickly until you empty out and don't need to do it anymore -- yes, that time is coming! Then you will be in the habit of gathering your senses again because you always did after a good cry. It's never good to get stuck.
Even in that, do not let anyone tell you that you MUST come to their home for the holidays to be around 57 people who will drain you of the little energy you have accumulated.
Be choosy about when you are ready to get back out there. Gently explain to inviters that you have other plans and be appreciative of their invitations.
Keep in mind, if you are talking to sis, mom or best friend who have been with you the entire time since your loss, hear them out if they won't take no for an answer. They love you and see things from a different, sometimes wiser, perspective.
Pop Open Cards, BELIEVE, BE HAPPY, SMILE, THANK YOU, SHINE, HAPPY DAY, CARPE DIEM - Inspirational Greeting Cards - With GB Pen (ad)
Redefine What the Holiday Means to You and Create Your Own Traditions.
You typically enjoy turkey and dressing dinners during the holidays because that is usually the only time you eat that particular meal. Perhaps you want to be alone and create a simplified version without the fuss of preparing for a lot of people. You may even want to go to a restaurant with a friend and enjoy the holiday. This way you can come back home and rest, which broken hearts DO need.....lots of rest.
Why don't you send the kids to auntie and grandma's and do a small hen or pre-cooked turkey breast for yourself with a tiny pan of instant dressing; only one pie [of your choice]; a simple mac and cheese; a souped up can of greens [that means add pepper and onions] and a pint of tea. It's all just for you -- a holiday meal in 30 minutes! Enjoy and watch your fave Netflix movie!
Less Is More When Taking Invitations to Holiday Parties During the Healing Process.
Go when you feel like you can, which means you may not respond 'yes' to every invitation, and that is okay. Perhaps you do have those days when there is more pep in your step, however you don't want to get caught in a situation where emotions could overwhelm you in public. You haven't celebrated Thanksgiving, Yule or Christmas without this person yet, so you don't know how you will feel.
If you have an invitation to a Saturday evening holiday celebration that is NOT on the actual date of the holiday, consider taking it. This will give you time to participate in the holiday season without being overwhelmed by the traditions of December 25th! That day may be too much for you, or you may want to visit after most others have left. If so, explain this to your inviter and have them work their day around your heart.
Change Your Surroundings, If You Can.
The one you loved is no longer in the home where you celebrated umpteen holidays. Perhaps, you shouldn't be either. This does not mean that you need to move, unless you feel that is best for you and you are the boss of you. Sometimes it means you need to take a trip and celebrate somewhere else.
If you've always welcomed Christmas morning on a snowy lawn, perhaps it is time to celebrate Christmas the Key West way! Go to a climate that is different from yours. It will give you a reason to purchase a new set of luggage and will get you out of surroundings that can cause sadness. The most important thing is to ensure that the person who is motivating your grief, is not a part of your new normal. This helps prevent constant reminders that can keep you stuck in the past.
We hope these tips help you to have a wonderful holiday season filled with happiness and peace!