Divorce is one of the most emotionally challenging experiences a person can go through. In my case, experiencing multiple divorces and an inability to settle down left a lasting impact. As I grew older, I found it increasingly difficult to find happiness, feeling as though my standards were too high. Divorce is not just a separation—it is a form of grief, akin to mourning a death. It often brings self-blame and attacks self-esteem, making recovery difficult. This blog started as a way for me to express my truth about what I am going through. It is therapeutic for me, therefore I will continue to be honest about my feelings.
The Reality of Divorce and Its Aftermath
One of the hardest aspects of divorce is facing the statistics. Research shows that subsequent marriages have a higher likelihood of ending in divorce. According to studies, roughly 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages. These numbers are a harsh reality check for those hoping for a fresh start.
When I began writing this blog, I spoke openly about the heartbreak my divorces caused and the deep, personal emotions I wrestled with. Now, almost seven years into my current marriage, I have abandoned fairy-tale notions of love. Living with another human being in a committed relationship requires dedication, compromise, sacrifice, and a dose of stoicism. It is not the fantasy we are often sold, and many remain in relationships because the alternative—being alone—seems even more daunting. This is the truth.
A Personal Encounter with Loss and Realization
Two and a half years ago my father passed away just shy of his 80th birthday. He had been a mechanic and a Pentecostal pastor of a small church. Though not perfect, he genuinely tried to live as a good Christian. He succumbed to complications from diabetes after years of dialysis. His final words still haunt me: "I can't believe I'm going to die like this." He thought God would heal him and give him more time [he'd wanted to live to be 100], but reality proved otherwise.
This taught me an important lesson: no matter how much faith you have, certain consequences in life are unavoidable. The Christian God is no respecter of persons. If I wanted to see my dreams realized, I had to either adjust my dreams or work harder. This realization led me to change my career and become a high school teacher in my 50s. I believed doing something meaningful for society would fulfill me and give me purpose. Don't laugh. However, after just 1.5 years in education, I left feeling disillusioned and disappointed in humanity.
How the Political Climate in America Fuels Depression
Now, we find ourselves in a political climate where leadership is constantly challenged. Regardless of who holds office, division persists. People fear economic instability, immigration policies, and even the potential of World War III. The pressure is suffocating. To protect my mental health, I avoid the news as much as possible.
Aging and Depression: The Reality of Mortality
Just yesterday, my mother-in-law passed away at the age of 82. What started as an airbag deployment injury ended with pneumonia and life support. Her final words, "I am tired," hit me deeply. They underscored the exhaustion that can come with a long, challenging life. Aging, illness, and the inevitability of death are stark reminders of our own fragility.
My Doctor Diagnosed Me with Depression
I acknowledge that I have not endured nearly as much as others. Some have survived abusive childhoods, severe illnesses, financial ruin, and betrayals that cut to the bone. However, my experiences—failures, disappointments, and disillusionments—have affected me profoundly. They have chipped away at my hope and weighed on my health. Depression is not just an emotional struggle; it has physical consequences, often leading to medications that further impact our thoughts and feelings.
To protect myself, I have made a conscious decision to limit stress and negativity. My well-being is my priority, and I refuse to let sadness or disappointment take up more space in my life.
What I Leave With You
Make wise decisions. If you find yourself stuck in cycles of disappointment, reflect on your patterns. What qualities in others are you drawn to that keep leading to heartbreak? As humans, we often repeat behaviors that do not serve us. Breaking these cycles is crucial for happiness.
Hope alone does not bring happiness—intentional change does. Small shifts in perspective and behavior can prevent major disappointments, which, in turn, protect our mental and physical health.
Take charge of your life. Do not fear change. Recognize that where you are is enough because you are there, and no one or nothing is worth sacrificing your hope. Prioritize yourself, and remember that peace is worth more than any relationship or situation that drains you. Take care.