I used to think love meant being inseparable, a forever kind of closeness with someone who lived and breathed for me. I wanted a dedicated partner, someone faithful, someone unconditionally in love with me—but only when I needed him. I never questioned whether that was selfish. Is it selfish to want someone at my beck and call, but not want the daily grind of a relationship?
Maybe. But I’m different now. I'm pushing 60.
The disillusionment of my early twenties is gone. Life with another person is hard. You don’t just live with them, you live with their beliefs, their desires, their traumas, their family, and all the history and baggage they bring multiplied by their other three personalities. If they have kids, now you’re navigating generational wounds you didn’t create. Three lifetimes crammed into one house.
I’m tired.
Leaving My Third Husband & Unlearning What Love Meant
I started this divorce blog after leaving my third husband. That departure forced me to confront a truth I had avoided for years: maybe the problem wasn’t just them. Maybe it was me—or rather, the fairy tales I believed about love.
From childhood, I had been fed stories of devotion, soulmates, perfect matches, tales where love conquered all. My Pentecostal upbringing only reinforced that belief (which could be a whole separate blog). But the reality? The only person truly concerned about my happiness in love was me.
Everyone else was trying to get what they could—love, attention, security, desire. There was no magical force orchestrating romance to make sure I got my happy ending. Love wasn’t what I thought it was. And as the world evolved, as terms like codependency and emotional abuse replaced old ideas and turned into narcissism, I realized something shocking: relationships wear on my mental health.
I Still Want Love—Just Not Like Before
I won’t lie. I still want a man. I still want him to be faithful to me. I still want him to protect me, care about my well-being, and be devoted.
But if I could guarantee his faithfulness, I probably wouldn’t live with him.
Did I want him there to love me? Or did I want him there so I could keep an eye on him?
Every woman figures this out in her own way. We learn, we evolve, and we grow into knowing what we actually want. And as we age, our needs change. The question is:
🔹 What do you really want now?
Drop a comment—I’d love to hear how your own perspective has shifted over time.